5 Tips To Create Personal, One of a Kind Vows
Writing vows can be tough. Not only are you expected to pour your heart out to your love but you also want to toss in some humor, keep it relatively short, and somehow wrap up your months or years of history all while telling them how much they mean to you and making promises for your future together! That is a whole lot to say considering you’ll also be saying it in front of all your friends, family and wedding guests which can be over 100 people!
Getting a little writer’s block when you sit down to write your vows is totally normal and sometimes you just need a little help to get the words flowing.
As a wedding photographer I have been witness to some really beautiful wedding ceremonies with vows that just knock it out of the park, so I thought I’d think back to those vows that were really striking and come up with some tips to help you out if you are a bit at a loss of what to say and how to say it.
So take a big breath, brew a cup of coffee or tea and pull up these tips with a pen and notebook handy and I promise you, you’ll be writing in no time!
Tip #1
Think back to your First Date!
When you start to work on your vows, think about your first real date. Go back to that giddy feeling you had when you used to get nervous in front of each other, feel the rush you felt when you had your fist kiss. Where were you? Can you remember what your partner was wearing? What season of year was it? What was going on in your life at that time? What did that date mean to you? Was there a funny or awkward moment that makes you chuckle when you think back to it?
Because your relationship was just getting off it’s feet at the time you had your fist real date, chances are you weren’t comfortable enough to tell your partner what finding hope in this budding relationship meant for you. Had you struggled to find someone in the past? Did your partner fit in your life in a way you never thought was possible?
Telling your love about these first moments when things were forming is a beautiful way to start your vows, and is sure to make them smile as they think back to their own moments of excitement, nervousness and hope during that moment.
Tip #2
Use photos, cards, travel experiences, keepsakes, notes and gifts as inspiration!
All artists get their inspiration from somewhere and keep in mind, writing is an art! If after you’ve thought back to your first date and are at a loss of where to go from there, hunt around for the above items to give you inspiration and jog your memory!
I know when I began to write my vows to my husband all the amazing travel we’d shared just started to blur together and I got a little overwhelmend trying to recall specific moments that were really touching or really funny. I ended up going through my facebook photo albums of those trips that I’d posted and as I clicked through the images the memories came flooding back! I kept a little notebook where I made small notes on the especially funny or emotional memories I was reminded of and later used those notes to choose which stories to highlight in my vows.
Maybe when you were first dating your partner wrote you little love notes that you stashed away somewhere. Well, pull them out and enjoy a trip down memory lane as you read them!
Look around your house or apartment for little keepsakes- did you save a pebble from a beach date? Or maybe you have ticket stubs in the back of your wallet from that time you went to the movies and spent the whole night after laughing together as you explored the city.
Inspiration can come from anywhere, so start looking and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how fast it comes!
Tip #3
Think about what this day means for your future together
Your wedding day is a day that changes the course of your relationship forever. Your vows are in essence a promise of the future you are creating for your partner and as such, the future should be a part of them!
Picture yourselves in 30 years- what will a typical day be like? Describe how you’ll still be holding hands, or still arguing about whether you can get another dog or not! Describe how growing together through challenges has brought you two even closer together, and how being there for your partner through thick and thin has created a future even more wonderful than you ever imagined it could.
You can add in specific and very personal promises that might add in a little humor to your vows as well! I often see couples promising to be patient with their partner when neither of them can decide what to eat and the “hangry” monster starts to show it’s teeth. I’ve seen couples promise they will continue to be in charge of removing spiders and other “icky” bugs from the house, or vowing that they will never watch an episode of their favorite TV series without them.
Have fun with thinking about the real life you two share and include it in your vows along with the serious stuff. After all- life and love isn’t always an epic drama and is more often than not filled with the every-day little promises we make to each other to create a happy, prospering relationship, even if that means a silly thing like always being the one who is first to go in for a hug after a fight!
Tip #4
Make sure your Vows are written on something that is fitting for your wedding day.
Even if you write your vows on your phone or on your laptop, take the time to print them out or copy them down onto a nice piece of paper of a little notebook.
There are so many cute “his and hers” vow notebooks you can find on Etsy and it adds a really special element to your wedding details if you have your vows written in something nice.
Remember, when you are reading your vows it is probably going to be the most emotional part of your wedding, and thus you’ll probably have more photos of this portion of your ceremony than any other. It does tend to detract a bit from the emotion of this moment to be holding a cell phone and looking down at it as opposed to good old fashioned paper or an attractive notebook.
Having your vows actually written down also allows you to save them in a wedding keepsake box, or put them in the pages of your wedding album. That way you can always look back to them and remember how you felt and what you promised on this huge day in your life.
I understand this is a digital age, but in my opinion, adding this element of “old school” is just more fitting to a ceremony as important as your wedding day.
Tip #5
Think beyond just a “Sand Ceremony”
Remember that vows don’t have to only be spoken words. There are so many ways in which vows can be illustrated with actions that can add a really beautiful element to your ceremony.
Most of these actions are called “unity ceremonies” and the most common one is a sand ceremony where the bride and groom take two separate vials of colored sand and pour them together into a glass container so that the two colors will forever be intermixed.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is a really cool unity ceremony and if you had already fallen in love with this concept then go for it! Sand ceremonies are popular because they are quite beautiful and leave you with a gorgeous object for your home which will remind you of your love and commitment every time you look at it.
I just also wanted to let you know that if you have abandoned the idea of a unity ceremony because you thought the sand ceremony was your only option, this is not the case! There are so many cool, personalized and truly unique ways to illustrate your commitment to each other beyond the sand ceremony.
I’ve seen Kate Holt Couples participate in Celtic knot-tieing ceremonies when the couple have Celtic heritage, I’ve seen Tea ceremonies, Lao Baci ceremonies where a silk thread is tied to the right hand of the couple signifying peace, harmony and good health. I’ve seen a couple pour individual vials of whisky into a mini-barrel and seal it shut to enjoy on their 10th anniversary, I’ve seen a couple place sealed love notes to each other into a wooden box with a fancy bottle of red wine and then nail the box shut, to be opened and enjoyed on their 25th anniversary. I’ve even seen a couple make a “unity sandwich” and take a bite!
The point is, adding in an activity that is either culturally significant or personal to you and to who you are is a beautiful addition to your wedding ceremony and will add a personalized element to your wedding day that you will never forget!
I hope that by now your creative juices are flowing and that any writer’s block which may have plagued you is long gone! Getting started on writing your vows earlier rather than later will help you as well, for you’ll have the time to think, allow yourself the grace of getting stuck and giving yourself a break from it for a bit, and also gives you the chance to come back to them, re-reading and editing them as needed.
As you are writing, remember to take a moment to breath and just enjoy the process as well! Writing your vows is a big step on your wedding journey and will be something you’ll look back on with fondness I assure you!
Need some personalized help with your vows? Drop me a note, I’d love to help!
Looking for a photographer to capture all the emotions of your wedding? I’d love to chat to see if we are a good fit!
